Two very funny jokes about law and life!

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The first joke concerns a stay of execution while the second speaks to that old saying about how there’s no such thing as a free lunch!

Both are slightly (very slightly) risque’ but very funny.

The Stay of Execution

An attorney arrived home late, after a very tough day trying to get a stay of execution. 

His last minute plea for clemency to the governor had failed and he was feeling worn out and depressed.

As soon as he walked through the door at home, his wife started on him about, ‘What time of night to be getting home is this? Where have you been? Dinner is cold and I’m not reheating it’. And on and on and on.

Too shattered to play his usual role in this familiar ritual, he poured himself a shot of whiskey and headed off for a long hot soak in the bathtub, pursued by the predictable sarcastic remarks as he dragged himself up the stairs.

While he was in the bath, the phone rang. The wife answered and was told that her husband’s client, James Wright, had been granted a stay of execution after all. Wright would not be hanged tonight. Finally realising what a terrible day he must have had, she decided to go up stairs and give him the good news.

As she opened the bathroom door, she was greeted by the sight of her husband, bent over naked, drying his legs and feet.

‘They’re not hanging Wright tonight,’ she said.

He whirled around and screamed,

‘FOR THE LOVE OF GOD WOMAN, DON’T YOU EVER STOP?!’

There is no such thing as a free lunch!

A young New York woman was so depressed that she decided to end her life by throwing herself into the ocean. But just before she could throw herself from the dock, a handsome young man stopped her.

“You have so much to live for,” he said. “I’m a sailor, and we are off to Italy tomorrow. I can stow you away on my ship. I’ll take care of you, bring you food every day, and keep you happy.”

With nothing to lose, combined with the fact that she had always wanted to go to Italy , the woman accepted.

That night the sailor brought her aboard and hid her in a small but comfortable compartment in the hold.

From then on, every night he would bring her three sandwiches, a bottle of red wine, and make love to her until dawn.

Three weeks later she was discovered by the captain during a routine inspection. “What are you doing here?” asked the captain.

“I have an arrangement with one of the sailors,” she said. “He brings me food and I get a free trip to Italy.”

I see,” the captain said.                           

Her conscience got the best of her and she added, “Plus, he’s screwing me.”                        

“He certainly is,” replied the captain.”This is the Staten Island Ferry.”


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